The Interview

When asked how the interview went I reply:-
They interrogated me.
"I will tell you nothing," I blurted, "because I am innocent."
"What tools do you use to catalogue?"
"Saw and spanner" I reply.
" What is wrong with this invoice?" they ask.
"The clowns want our money. They should pay us for the privilege of being our supplier."
"What do you think of teamwork?"
"Not much," I said, "I can make my own mistakes without help from anyone else."
I think the interview went really well.

SANITY

I know I am sane. The voices keep telling me and they must be right because my dog says so. And I don't even have a dog.

Things Confucius didn't say

War does not determine who is  right, ......it determines who is left.

Man who drives like hell....... is bound to get there.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, ......man  who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who leaps off cliff....... jumps to conclusion.

I don't mind coming to work but this 8hr wait to go home is just bullshit

PICNIC

IT support often come up with unsolvable difficulties called Picnic

Problem In Client Not In Computer

"I'd tell you to go to hell but I work there and I don't want to see you every day" An unknown wit

Advice

Never walk down the hall without a file in your hand

Tech Support

Staff: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Staff: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Staff: Five dots.

Why work is good

This employee should go far and the sooner he starts the better

Or did I miss something

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE (CHILLING!)

S Adams Economics of the 90s

Downsizing - Stock goes up
Reduced benefits - Stock goes up
unpaid overtime - Stock goes up
Doubling the workload - Stock goes up

Yes indeed

Importance of workplace talk

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I always wanted to drown my troubles

My office due to budget cuts

Wisdom of a Polish friend

Don’t work too hard. Remember less work you do, less mistakes you’ll make.

All the best

Teresa

Employee evaluations

Could all be me.

This man has delusions of adequacy.

Should go far and the sooner he starts the better.

if you stand close you can hear the ocean.

From Broxton with thanks

Always give 100% at work

12 % Monday
23 % Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday

A Dilbert "quotes contest" favourite

Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

Martine says

"Have you ever noticed that other peoples stuff is shit but your own shit is stuff"